wrong way
there should be a term for the ennui and disorientation that comes when one is on a subway and is convinced they are going the wrong way, even when all visual clues indicate that the right way is being travelled. it just felt wrong today, it felt like north when it was south. but the street numbers were passing in descending numerical order, as per the expectations of my journey. nothing i could do, though, could adjust my sense of direction. the R train from roosevelt avenue simply felt like it was taking me the wrong direction, no matter what i did to forcibly re-adjust my sense of earth.
i was thinking about the sun yesterday. how does time pass on the sun? on earth we measure time in revolutions of the earth around the sun, but the sun revolves around what? i don’t know much about galacticalities, but it seems like on the sun time just piles up, the years inhabiting each other’s space, as they do in my mind but not on my earth. if time is measured through the physical movement through the universe then where does time stop passing? where does time gather?
…..
i wandered and meandered today, aimlessly drifting through sunnyside and up queens boulevard to roosevelt avenue, through woodside and then jackson heightsss. i walked this same path once before, but then i took it all the way to flushing meadows, and the unisphere. i didn’t feel like doing that today, but i got some good shots with the dslr. i think. i felt a little reckless today, versus yesterday. i was scrutinizing my anxieties today, asking myself why yesterday’s jaunt into the housing project to get the shots of the ravaged car caused such high anxiety, but today’s foray into asshole parts of queens felt like kids stuff. i could have tromped into the ghettos of Rio today, shooting photos like a conqueror, disregarding the natives’ stares.
